i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize