there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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