Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize