I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
