i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
