I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
