You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
