My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
