I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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