you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
