She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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