this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
