I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
