Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
