Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
