If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
