We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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