so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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