If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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