if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
