Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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