How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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