Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
