Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
