i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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