just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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