she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
