If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
