He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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