At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
