What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
