and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
