can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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