My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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