tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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