we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
