porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
