who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
