i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
