I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
