ya dads aren't the best wingmen
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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