So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
