I haven't been this sober since birth.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
