Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize