I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
