On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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