we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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