The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
