Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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