I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
