I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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