I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
