when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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