Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize