i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
