wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
