Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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