so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
