you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm too high and old for this...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
