just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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