so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
