1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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