goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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