So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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