He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize