she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
