Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
