Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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