She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
