I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he shaved USA in his pubs
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
