Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
