I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
