this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
