So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
