Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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