I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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