"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
