21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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