my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
