Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
