respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
