I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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