I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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