He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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